Throughout life, I feel as though everyone goes through experiences that may affect them in the long run, one way or another. Growing up without my father being around would be mine. Due to that, I encountered a lot of emotional distress, difficulties building bonds with people, and a few other ‘issues’. Through my 18 years of living, I can honestly say that I really didn’t have a father figure in my life. It has always just been my mother and I. I never was able to get to know him on the personal level. I didn’t get to find out what type of food he liked, what TV shows he watched, or even if he ever loved me and my mom. I don’t ever remember writing him a Father’s Day card or feeling the warmth of his arms around me. He seems to be a shadow in a way. A fuzzy memory that always seems to haunt me and leave me with many questions. I think that all boys need a father in their life to teach them how to grow up into a man, because there is only so much a mother can do. I also always had questions as a child, and wondered why I “wasn’t like the other kids”. I just couldn’t seem to figure out just what I did wrong to not deserve that kind of love, the love from my father, the love from a man. I’ve spent my life searching for someone to fill the emptiness in my heart, someone to love me like my dad never had.

I often blamed myself for his absence, believing that something was wrong with me. But now that I’m older, I see that there was nothing I could have done, because that was his personal decision not to be in my life. His decisions really did affect me.As failed relationship followed another I buried myself in my work and avoided romantic situations. I was happier that way, no guy, no heartache, no problem or at least I thought. I would make up excuses for why I shouldn’t go out with the guys that asked me out and purposely set my standards so high that it was nearly impossible for any guy I knew to meet until one…

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